'You're driving me nuts. Good nuts.' 'You drive me good nuts too.'

I'm on a roll. I've ended 2003 on an extremely high note. Kelly and I went up to Barrie again last night and had another amazing night. I spent the night in the guest room with the aforementioned firefighter... Wow. Incredible. He's absolutely adorable and what a body... I would die to see him in uniform! My line of the night 'I just want to set fires when he's around!'. Honestly though, it was amazing. He's driving me 'good nuts'. So of course, I meet this amazing guy right before I go back to Ottawa. Curses. Although the guys have promised that they'll take a road trip up to Ottawa. Honestly, I know this entry seems trivial but I can not even begin to describe my night. Or him.

So for New Year's, I'm staying in. It couldn't top last night so I'm just not going to bother. I celebrated early.

Group Hug.

I am obsessed with this site. Updated daily, it provides thousands of confessions entered by the users. Sure, most of them are having some type of sexuality crisis, are cheating on their significant others, or are suicidal, but it's still interesting. So after reading this for a few days, I tried it out myself. It works. Works how? Just by typing out your confession and pressing 'send', you're letting it off of your chest. Highly recommended. See if you can spot mine in there!

Purple Haze.

Still smiling over my good weekend. Decided to screw my alarm clock today and woke up at 11:30. Now, hours later, I'm still in my pyjamas. Doesn't get much better than this!

Today is a good day.

I had an awesome night. I rarely say that. I haven't enjoyed much lately, but it was truly an awesome night. An awesome weekend come to think of it. I had a great weekend. Went shopping in Kensington yesterday with Mom then got home and headed to Barrie with Kelly. Kelly's always telling me about these hot guys she knows up there, but I've never believed her. She's had some questionable taste in the past. Honestly, it could not have been better. A dozen guys, all drop dead gorgeous, single, and sweet. It was like a delayed Boxing Day miracle. We got trashed and headed to the bar, the Queens. Kelly actually got herself kicked out of the bar by the end, she was so drunk. Joe and Theresa were there to see us, as were Brendan and Sean. Brendan, the most level-headed person I've met in a long time, got uber-jealous of the guy that I was with (Mike) and as Mike and I were getting into a cab, Brendan SLAPPED Mike across the face. Slapped, not hit, but slapped. I should have been concerned with anyone who's friends with Sean. Kelly went home, and Mike and I headed to The Roxxx. Had a fun night with him. Kelly and I bummed around their place today, had breakfast cooked for us and oogled the guys. I can't even begin to describe. You know most groups of guys have the token hot guy in the group? In this one, every SINGLE one of them was gorgeous. One was identical to my high school crush, but even better. Then there was the firefighter. And Kelly's friend with the bright blue eyes. Or how about Mike who has a MOTORCYCLE parked in his bedroom?! I had an awesome time. We're going up again this week, even if it means me going back to Ottawa later. And THEN, after I went home in a stupor of the gorgeousness of the flock of boys, I came home and won 7$ on the lottery. And my parents are making me an amazing dinner. I may be half asleep, I may be a tramp, I may be boy crazy. But for now, I'm just happy.

Update on Sexpot

The guy from the aforementioned post also has a young child. Things just get better! Also learned from him, other ways to not pick up girls. Describe what about yourself could be found to be homosexual. Describe which of your activities or professions could be found to be homosexual (ie. hairstylist, dance instructor, etc.). Describe qualities that your male friend possesses that would attract homosexual males. Follow the girl home in a creepy manner in order to 'talk'. How do I get stuck with these ones?!

Merry Boxing Day!

I spent the day with Kelly, doing the Boxing Day shopping. It's amazing. On Boxing Day, you purchase things that you would never buy on any of the other 364 days of the year. My purchases include, but are not limited to, hot pink mittens, artificial flowers, and white boots. I'm sorry, buy one and get three free sales on shoes are irresistable!

Crisis situation.

Kelly: 'I'm really concerned about global warming. Feel how warm it is outside, and it's December!'
Jenna: 'There are more important issues at hand! Global warming, anthrax, terrorism, pshaw! Look how ugly the guys are in Newmarket!'

I swear this isn't my confession...

"i love the fact that all of my ex's have hopelessly tumbled down the proverbial hill after breaking up with me. i like being the highest point in someones life."

Happy Chrismukah!

I should throw this one in, enjoy your holidays. They're flying by and I'll be back in Ottawa before I can even blink. I'm having a non-traditional Christmas myself, due to family issues on my father's side. It'll be small, but hopefully everything will run smoothly. I don't quite get it, I was in a really Christmassy mood about a month ago and it's been slowly fading every since then. I've been getting that feeling about all of the holidays, 'just another day'. Where did my spirit go?

Sexpot.

So one of Kelly's old boyfriend's friends has a crush on me. Close your eyes and picture this. He goes by the name of Sumo. He's about 34 years old. I once saw him in 3/4 length sleeves. He's engaged right now, but calling off the wedding. He tells me that he wants to be a husband, be a father, and start a family. And then follows me home and gives me his number. Let's start here. You will never ever ever pick up a girl if you have a fiancee. (Oh drat, there goes that theory, remember the guy from last year? Drat. I disproved my own theory.) Let's try this again. You will never ever ever pick up a girl if you a male wearing 3/4 length sleeves. (Much better!) It is not in your best interests to introduce yourself to a girl that you're attracted to as 'Sumo'. Try for something sexy next time. Last and foremost, do not mention your desire to have babies in the near future.

My quote of the day.

'I'm a little bit boy-crazy and it sometimes impairs my judgement.'

I give up

I'm tired of the people that I always have to keep calling and they never call back. The people that say they're going to call and never do. I give up.

a man said to the universe, "sir, i exist." "however," replied the universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Another day of shopping... Really, I should get paid to do this. Let's see here. Bought a dress to wear to the ball with Chris. Bought two dresses actually, 'just in case', haha! Chopped off my hair. Cut off about 4-5 inches, which means I have really really short hair. I'm exposing my neck! Had an awful headache. That's about it. Think I'll head over to Linz's tonight and pester her. Pestering is my specialty.

I was shopping with my mother and my cousins yesterday, they had to get a bunch of Christmas presents before they went back to Jamaica. We were in Le Chateau, I think Sarah was trying on a dress, I was getting tired of shopping for other people when I heard a guy say hello. I turn around and there's my Joshy. I'd heard rumours that he had gained weight, and they were true. He was all grubbed out with track pants and falling apart shoes. Same clothes as before, but a lot tighter. He's got a belly now. He just looked all dirty and sweaty. Still has the eyebrow ring. It was awkward, we haven't talked in a really long time. The new wife was there, she's really plain looking and she ran away when she realized who I was. We did the small talk thing, and he left saying he'd give me a call.

I couldn't sleep last night and I just kept thinking about him. And I realized, although I may have doubted it at times, I really really really loved him. He couldn't have been better to me or for me. He tried so so hard to make me happy. Talking to me on the phone for hours at a time about everything and nothing. Buying me a goldfish for Christmas. And another one when that one died. My gold ID bracelet. My garnet ring. My silver rings when he realized that I wasn't going to wear the gold jewelery to prom. Gertrude the plant. Taking his break at the mall with me. Buying me a chocolate at lunch at school. Letting me sit in his lap. Cooking me dinner. The piercings. Lieing in bed with me. Getting a new job, in part because I didn't like the smell of onions from Steak + Potato. Taking buses and walking in the dead of winter to visit me. Bringing me soup and a card when I was sick. Letting me pick out bad movies. Introducing me to new movies. Kissing me right after I puked. Giving me a diamond pendant because I was in a bitchy mood. Going to college because he knew I needed him to. Crying to say goodbye to me. Making every New Year's miserable, since it can't live up to the one where we first got together. The list is just endless.

Not a single guy has lived up to him. I try. He can't be the only one. He just cared about me so much. Seeing him yesterday made me realize that I made the right decision when we broke up. It put me at ease. I tried to fix him up when he really didn't need it. He already had what he needed. When I saw him, I just knew that I did the best thing for both of us.

Those who know me well, know that I'm not emotional. And that the hardest thing I ever had to do was to drive away from Josh's house that day. The day before I came to Ottawa to start the next chapter in my life. I cried so hard and he was standing there and I just wanted to turn around and hug him and never let go. But I didn't. Sobbing hysterically, I drove away. Looking back, I don't think I was crying out of heartbreak or anything cheesy like that. I was scared out of my mind. I was crying because I was scared. He was my support for over two years and I was going to a school where I knew no one. I had never been so scared in my life. And I was crying because I knew as much as I needed him, he needed me. I was just so scared and so lonely. I loved him.

There was always that part of me that questioned what I did. If I'd really tried, things could have worked for us. We had no real reason to break up apart from the distance. We had only had one major fight in the years that we were together. We just worked well together. I could have come home and visited, he could have come to Ottawa. Long distance could have worked. Maybe if I had tried harder...

I've seen him since I left a year and a half ago, but seeing him yesterday... I think that was the first time that I could bring myself to say goodbye without being scared.

I enjoy lists. Here is the first part of a mini-series.

Reasons if I were a guy, I would not want to date me

1. I like presents. Often. But there's a line. Lest we call I dumped poor Josh when he gave me a bracelet with 'I Love Thee' engraved on the back for our two month anniversary. Adorable, he knew I loved the movie Romeo + Juliet. I got freaked out, and he got dumped as a gift. I'm a wench.

2. I giggle. Often. And then I can't stop. Often, the situation at hand is not even funny. Lest we recall the time I was at Jon's posh house I laughed until I cried for over half an hour because the golf carts driving around reminded me of that ride that they have for children with the cars driving around a track at Canada's Wonderland. I know it's not funny, I just couldn't stop.

3. You may have to take care of me on those rare occasions that I am over-intoxicated. Jon watched me hit on Omar on my birthday. Trevor saw me make out with another guy in Hull. Josh had to try and call Lindsay when I kept giving him the wrong number and getting mad at him. Chris had to cuddle with me when I was drunk, depressed, angry, and punching humans and walls. Many examples for this one.

4. I look like hell in the morning. I think anyone can vouch for this. Not only to I look like hell, I am hell. The Grinch. Who in their right mind is cheery when they wake up. I want to punch people who are cheery. For god's sake, just leave me alone in the morning. And never ever ever ever wake me up unless you're wearing protective armour.

5. I take forever to get ready. I blame the curly hair. That means a half hour shower, half hour for doing hair, half hour for clothes and makeup. That's the bare necessities, hour and a half. No, I can not hurry, that's my routine! Do you want me to be ugly?

6. I am demanding as hell. Not necessarily large demands, but the small ones. I want you to talk to me when I feel like talking. You are available when I want you to be. If I am thirsty, you bring me a drink. If I am sore, I get a massage. I mention that I like goldfish, you buy me one. Is that asking so much?

7. I am jealous. I will never admit this to your face. I mentally slag off every girl who even looks at you. For I am clearly superior. Does she TRY to look that ugly? What is wrong with her nose? Well my rack is so much better than hers. And they're REAL!

8. I regress to grade 8 mentality when I'm around my girls. Yes, I girl talk. Yes, Carol and I might discuss your size or your performance. Sketches may be done. Yes, Lindsay and I have our own sort of language developed. Expect it.

9. I'm a 'friendly-drunk'. I strongly believe that I should not have to pay for my drinks if some guy is stupid enough to buy them for me. If that involves flirting, so be it. If you're the jealous type, I apologize in advance. It's a challenge; spend as little as possible. Unfortunately, that means getting friendly with some creeps. I am reminded of 'The Chinch' in his tan, floor-length fur coat. Oh, the horror.

10. I really don't know what I want in a relationship. I pretend I do. When I'm not in a relationship, I want a relationship. Then when I get myself into a relationship type situation, I want to be single. I know I shouldn't want anything serious, since I'm leaving the country in eight months, but I do... I'm jealous of my friends with boyfriends when they're all cuddly and sweet, but I am thankful when I can go out to the bar and make out with a random stranger.

11. I am a hormonal mood-swinging basketcase during my time of the month. One day I'll be all cuddly, and the next if you even try to touch me, I'll rip your face off. I want my back massaged when I have cramps. I use my time of the month as an excuse to be a bitch for one week straight.

To be continued... Oh trust me, there's many more!

And, oh yes, yet again:

4. Cut back the Mc Donald's!!!!!

Home sweet home... Yech. I love home, and it's great to have everything that comes along with it, but good grief this town is boring. It's pure testicles. I guess it's just that I don't really have anything to do... Kelly's coming home soon so we'll mope together. And this weekend should be fun, I think Friday is Milwaukee's with Carol, she's been dieing for me to go there with her. I actually haven't been to the bar in a long time, I'm friggin' well behaved. Well, almost. I have my New Year's Resolutions already. I'm starting early.

1. Stop using the expressions 'I don't care' and 'I hate'
2. Fit into my I Love Lucy dress by semi, by whatever means necessary
3. Suck it up and get through my boring ass classes this year

I'm really sick of living my life right now.
I feel like im speeding towards a dead end
And I am just waiting to crash.
I can feel it coming.
All the lights are too bright
but the night is so lonely.

Look what you've found, I'm falling down

So my date for tonight with Hugo has been cancelled as we are both extremely ill. My plans for post-exam drunkening have also been cancelled due to illness. I hate this cold! Last exam is in five hours and I'm a little bit screwed. Let's see what cramming can accomplish.