The upper hand.

Vindication is mine. All of these guys who had some sort of one-up on me have had karma come and smack them on the ass. I refuse to call Joey back, although he's leaving messages on my cell about once a week saying how much he misses me. I went over to another guy's place last night to pick up some of my clothes, looking amazingly good. He was begging me to come in, but I told him I had plans. I don't think the boy has ever been turned down in his life. And, the icing on the cake, when I was at the bar last night, walking down the stairs and talking to this jackass that I haven't seen in about a month, he slipped on the stairs and fell down and I got a great laugh. So "haha", I have the upper hand and I don't plan on letting go.

What I dislike about short hair...

I'm having a bad hair day and there's nothing I can do about it. No escaping to the trusty ponytail! Baseball cap perhaps...

Impending bender.

I was originally supposed to go up to Barrie this weekend with Kelly to visit those yummy boys from Xmas break. However, I soon realized that I did not have a spare 75$ lying around to spend on a bus ticket, nor the money to support my drinking habit up North for the weekend. Solution: The long-weekend bender.

Thursday: Inferno with a bunch of the girls for the Sammies Winter Blizzard Pub.
Friday: Sigma Pi has rented out Surface Nightclub.
Saturday: Tundra Bowl during the day. 16 Sigma Pi chapters will be up here. Sounds promising. Then at night, Dexter's house party with Omega Theta Alpha.
Sunday: Omega Challenge at Ottawa U.

Please bear in mind that I haven't had a drop of alcohol in two weeks so my tolerance will be amazingly low. Should be fun!!

Happiness Is...

Happiness is sitting around naked after you get out of the shower until you air dry.

Welcome to my humble abode...

1:30am - Go to sleep after watching Braveheart. Not exactly a 'feel-good' movie. Very tired. Home alone as everyone has gone to the bar. Doped up on Tylenol 3's. Must sleep.
3:00am - Phone rings. It's a boy in the lobby. 'Carol?' 'She's not home, who is this?' 'It's Pete' *Click* I hang up, as I have no clue who Pete is, and also as I'm sound asleep. Will not buzz boys into building unless I know who they are.
3:01am-3:30am - Phone rings non-stop. Want to take portable phone out of room but do not have the energy. Vow to do it next time it rings. I mean, they couldn't call more than thirty times could they?!
3:20am - Check messages. Twelve new messages. 'Hi, it's Pete. I think I scared off your roommate.' Wondering if this Pete character is a creep she picked up at the bar. Getting annoyed, cranky and awake as the phone keeps ringing.
3:30am - Phone rings again. I answer it in a fit of rage. Turns out Pete is our facil from last year, in ACACIA, who ran into Carol at the bar. Carol had invited him back. Bear in mind, Carol is not home yet. He begs me to let him in as it is freezing cold outside.
3:31am - Throw on some pants. Try to control hair. Put on makeup? No, no time.
3:35am - Pete comes in with quite cute friend. Explain that Carol is not home. Explain that I did not answer as I was attempting to sleep. Pete is very apologetic. Pete makes fun of me for being old and not going out. Explain frostbite situation. Pete makes fun of me for being an idiot.
3:50am - I decide to call Kelly's phone to locate the girls as I want to go back to sleep but feel the need to entertain. They are at a Sigma Alpha Mu house downtown Ottawa and don't know when they'll be returning.
3:55am - Pete is mad. Swears only to date older women as they're less complicated. I apologize for Carol. Pete leaves, still apologizing. I am now very awake.
4:00 am - Go on computer. Kelly is on MSN. She explains that a Theta Gamma is about to pick them up, could I catch Pete before he leaves. NO! How to fall back asleep...?

Cabin Fever.

I am going insane. I haven't been out of the apartment for five days, since I can't walk due to the second degree burns on the bottom of my feet. *Sigh!* There aren't very many options in here either, so thank you to all of the people who have dropped by to entertain me. This is a boring update because literally NOTHING has happened to me. Went to the pyjama party with Sigma Pi last Friday, had such fun. Got ridiculous. Got frostbite. Spend that whole morning in E.R. Spent Sunday in E.R. And what are my amazing plans for today, you might ask? Back to the hospital to see a plastic surgeon. If I have a guardian angel, where the hell are they. Not sure if I'm going to go to the sorority thing tonight, might just stay in and call frat boy from Friday night and ask him to return my clothing and stuff I left at his place. Long studious weekend is the plan. This is the longest I've gone without drinking!!

Ow.

I'm getting ridiculous. I do stupid things and then laugh at my stupidity afterwards. I vow never to repeat the action, and then the next week I top it of with something even more stupid than the first thing. Does this make any sense? So that's it. You heard it here first folks. I'm cutting back. The 4 B's as Carol puts it. Cutting back on Boys, Booze, Bars, and Booty Calls.

Obsessive-Compulsive

Since I came back to Ottawa, I've been on a cleaning rampage, armed with my Windex with Ammonia-D and a roll of paper towels. No one is safe. From the ceiling in the washroom to the travesty under my bed. Duh Duh Duh...

Ring my bell.

So near the end of the sorority meeting last night, my phone starts vibrating. Voice mail. I'm thinking it's Fry, since I once again have his watch. I check it when I get one and there's a guy's voice on it. Oh Fry... Oh wait. That's not Fry. That's Joey. That's Joey wishing me a belated Happy New Year's and telling me to call him... If I want. But that's the question, do I want?

I want to start 2004 over again.

Back up in Ottawa. I'm having a horrible time this year. And it's only been 4 days. Something happened last night that just put me back to that one day when I was 16 and my head was screaming and everything inside felt like it had melted... The word 'no' is just echoing, and bouncing around and it has no effect. Like none of the last four years had happened. And I didn't want to go back to that day, I've spent the last four years getting away from that day and in one night he did that to me, he made me go back. He forced me back and everything I've done is coming undone. And I don't know what to do or what to think. It's a state of 'I don't know'. Everything is so uncertain and I don't know how I even feel. I don't know if I'm angry or sad or just trying to hide it all again. I was just frozen this morning and I called everyone I knew. I talked to Kelly for a while, but really, what could she say? What did I want her to say? I called everyone, regardless of whether or not they'd be awake that early. And no one was. I ended up on a crisis line, talking to a counsellor. I just needed to be told that I was justified for how I was feeling and that I didn't do anything wrong and that I tried to stop it. But really, talking to a stranger didn't help. I need someone to tell me that I didn't deserve that. And a stranger really can't provide that. I need my head to stop screaming and my eyes to stop watering and I need to get back into today. I think I'm going to stay up until midnight tonight and count down and start this year all over again.

This isn't working.

Hmm. No progress to report.

You know what I can't stand? Bench advertisements. You know the ones, 'You just proved that bench advertising works!!!'. I always look away guiltily after I read it in the hopes that no one saw me proving it right.

My other rant for the day is laundry. Technically there should be a load of darks, a load of colours, and a load of whites. Here's my problem. I have a ton of darks, a little bit of colours and like two white socks. So today I've decided to beat the system and throw it all in together. Screw it.

Spend the morning doing family stuff and I'm just sitting around now. My cousins should be landing from Jamaica this afternoon. Probably do something with Kelly for the afternoon. And yes, I did talk to the firefighter yesterday, but he is busy today. He doesn't grasp that I'm leaving tomorrow, as he hopes that the weather will stay clear. Beauty and brains, is that too much to ask for?! Cute, but mute.

The Pro-Active Approach.

So I'm heading back up to Ottawa on Saturday and am determined to meet up with the firefighter one more time before I leave. Whatever means necessary.

Kelly and I headed up to Midland today to see her new boat, go out for dinner with some people, and mainly to talk about the Barrie boys. We headed back over to the house to be with Mike and Shane for a bit, but things were pretty quiet so we didn't stay long.

We're also trying to figure out a way to seduce the ex-boyfriend's (Jon) older brother. I have his e-mail address but need an excuse. My proposal was something along the lines of 'Don't look outside. There's been a nuclear holocaust. We are the only people left on Earth; let's procreate.' Any suggestions?