My heart beats in breakdowns.

It would appear that I am having some sort of mental, physical and emotional breakdown. I've just been randomly crying all day.

The funeral went as well as can be expected. It was awesome to see that so many people came down from Ottawa. Altogether, there were well over 400 people. Interesting to see a Muslim funeral, though I must admit I spent a lot of time trying not to offend anyone and I was completely lost at points. The part that got to me was the open casket though. I can't even describe... I wouldn't even want to try. It was absolutely shocking and disturbing. I will never get that image out of my head. Extremely glad that I went but it's left me really shaken up.

On top of that, I decided to take my car into the garage today to figure out that weird noise it's been making for the past week. Turns out the A/C system is gone and will cost 900$ to fix. I don't HAVE 900$. And I do need air conditioning. Which means loaning the money from my parents, which I hate to do, and then hoping my car will survive the 5 hour drive to Ottawa and not break down in the middle of like Gananoque.

It's just everything right now. Like these are the most recent things. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I really cannot take anything else. Well, they say bad things happen in 3's, or in my case, in three dozens.

Ramblings...

andpleaseifyougotaminute.enjoythislonelyskywithme.itllswallowuswholeifweonlyletit.

Home Again...

Well it appears I'll be back home this weekend. I'm leaving here at about 6am with Fry and Kelly in order to get to the funeral service for A.J. in Toronto that afternoon. Since I'm there anyways, I'm just going to go home. I have to admit I'm a bit nervous about the funeral since it's Muslim and I don't want to screw anything up... And I have been known to be a bit klutzy and uncouth at times...

This isn't real.

I write as if I'm some kid who can't move on. If I could scream in my own face, I would. Now my head hurts and I don't care.

I'm so mellow.

I didn't know what to say to you, I guess. This is an apology of some sort. Just... thank you. I know this isn't much.

So am I covering something up?

Thanks for finally letting me exhale. It felt like forever when I was holding my breath. There's only two ways to go, up or down, and I chose freefall.

I'm going to crash. Remember, Jenna, this isn't real and you're not invincible.

Rest In Peace A.J.

It is impossible to put into words the sympathy I feel for all of you regarding this senseless tragedy. My deepest heartfelt sympathies are with you. I am sharing your pain and sorrow each moment of the day. Our faith must be strong to guide us to understand this tragedy and believe that tomorrow will bring hope of healing.

Goodbye A.J. You'll be missed by myself and so many more.

Da Heat, Da Beat, Da Music So Sweet!

Heading out to Jamaica in the morning so I won't be updating this for the next week. Enjoy, take care, behave!

Love Me Tender...

I have something to admit... Here's my confession. I had a really dirty, extremely kinky mindblowing dream last night. And who was my leading man? Hehe... Elvis. He's the King of more than rock n' roll!

Drunken Carol

I usually pretend to be asleep when Carol comes in drunk as to avoid the post-bar conversation. Last night she was crashing around muttering things. My personal favorite? 'I'm not drunk! Fuck you drunk!'. I'm living in an alcoholic environment!

Cupid strikes again.

This year the one class that I was looking forward to was Intro to Marketing. How wrong was I? It is ass. In a class. The Prof is so boring, it is damned near impossible to sit there and be alert for three hours. Not only that, she's a wench who's stingy with marks. There goes that dream of an entertaining class... Info Systems is more entertaining. How sad is that. And the Marketing midterm tomorrow, who knows how that's going to go.

I have a Valentine's Day solution. http://www.writeaprisoner.com A lovely site where you can browse inmates, view their pictures and read their profiles. My personal favorites so far included the one 'Greetings from this side of the electric fence' and 'I'm looking for someone who can see past my faults' (Faults include murdering someone).

Um... Freud?

Chris told me that he wanted me to bring him back a souvenir from Jamaica. Then I had this crazy dream last night. I sailed to Jamaica with my family and when we pulled up on the beach, I started collecting shells for him. Then behind this rock there were like a dozen ornamental Santas and frogs so I got those for him to. What does this mean?

T-Minus 3 Days...

I'm homesick. It's a combination of homesick for home and homesick for Jamaica. I'm dieing to get down. Soon enough, soon enough.

Gotta Get Away...

I'm getting edgy all the time
There's someone around me just a step behind
It's kinda scary, the shape I'm in
The walls are shakin' and they're closing in
Too fast or a bit too slow
I'm paranoid of people and it's starting to show
There's one guy that I can't shake
Over my shoulder is a big mistake
Sitting on the bed
Or lying wide awake
There's demons in my head
And it's more than I can take
I think I'm on a roll
But I think it's kinda weak
Saying all I know is
I gotta get away from me
I tell you something just ain't right
My head is on loose but my shoes are tight
Avoiding my friends cause they all bug
Life is a riddle and I'm really stumped
If you reason, don't you know
Your own preoccupation is where you'll go
I think I'm being followed, I look around
It's only my shadow creepin' on the ground

-The Offspring

At Least Someone's On My Side.

I was just thinking of Jon's cousin. Near the end of the summer, Jon and I went up to his place in Collingwood and went to visit his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend who lived relatively closeby. They had a bunch of people over at their house with a 12 year age gap between me and the oldest person there. I felt totally young and immature but tried my best to play it off. His cousin is so incredibly awesome. Just take Jon and reverse everything about him. He just had such a carefree and liberal spirit. Although he's about 28, he just had such an innocence. We ended up at the bar with them that night and we got a tad drunk. His cousin was raving about me, complimenting me and saying how lucky Jon was. When Jon left for a while, he said something that seemed odd at the time. He said that no matter what happened with Jon and I and no matter what Jon ever said about me, that he was crazy about me and that he wanted to let me know that he would always like me.

Looking back on it, I suppose he realized that Jon and I were totally opposite and would never work out. He knew it. It's just one of those moments that strikes you. I won't ever see him again. That's pretty much a certainty. And now that Jon and I are broken up... I know that he's still on my side.

Science Experiments

Well, little did I know that if you leave rice out for a few weeks it turns orange and slimy. You learn something new every day.

Thursday night was awesome, we met the Omega's at the Bulldog and watched Lacey dance on the bar for a while. Katie almost caught on fire. Good times. Then we went upstairs to Inferno which was packed. Carol went home with someone and Katie and I came home together, drunk, and sans boys. Not that I didn't try, I called Carol who had my phone to get some numbers off of it but she was a little, uh, preoccupied. That didn't work.

Last night was a sorority sleepover. Not much sleep, as is expected of a sleepover. I was sleeping on a double sized pull out bed with FIVE other girls. We were layered with bodies. Slept most of the day today.

Was supposed to go to Hull tonight but I'm getting sick. :( This of course, a week before I go to Jamaica. Humph.

Careful what you wish for.

So I was sitting at my desk thinking 'Hmm... I have nothing to write about' while spinning a pair of manicure scissors around in boredom. All of a sudden the scissors ended up in my eye, I ended up screaminng in pain and my eye is still watering and hurting 10 minutes later. Reminds me of all of those times you were told things as a child like not to run with scissors in the house. This is why! It can happen to you!

*BOOM*

So the Finance midterm didn't go so hot... Blargh. Having a quiet evening at home. Got to enjoy Average Joe Hawaii, which I admit that I am more than addicted to. No, I haven't called the guy yet. I'll call tomorrow. Maybe that's too late. Okay, we all know I won't call him. But maybe.

In other news, I am fascinated by Janet Jackson's chest. At first I thought it was just a pasty and didn't think twice when I saw it at halftime. However, my dear perverted male friends sent me closeups frame by frame. First off, her face is like 20 shades darker than her chest. Her boob is as white as mine, and that is WHITE. Second, the nipple ring and nipple shield. Pure class. Coincidence that her new album is about to be released? I think not. I think Jake said it best "Das ist not ein boobie"

I must admit...

The whole time I was watching the Superbowl, I was checking out the players. Vinatieri is my MVP!

Insomnia... No wait, it's my roomie.

My roomie has this disease. If she's awake, I too must be awake. It doesn't matter if it's an afternoon nap or if I'm in a coma, the minute she's awake she will come to wake me up. If she comes home from the bar on a night that I didn't go out, she'll come in to tell me who I missed seeing, what happened, and the level of her drunkeness. In the mornings, she will open the door, come on the computer and start typing. If I complain, she'll leave. Leave with the door wide open so that the cat comes and sits in my face. I don't know how to cure her.

Telemaphone... Mmmring!

I'm afraid of phoning boys. I admit it. I'm just as bad as a guy. I get a number and then I don't call it, even if I'm really interested. That's why I usually give out MY number. If they're interested, they will call. If they don't call, meh, next! But personally, I too have a sort of telephobia. I need a reason to call, an excuse. Something with a little more basis than 'You have a really cute bum'.

Why the sudden bout of telephobia? (Yes, I did make that word up.) Thursday night. Clicked. Went back to his place for a while. More clickage. And as I'm leaving, he hands me his number. It's already been three days, so it's the do or die stage now. If only I could think of something a little more valid than 'I like kissing you'.