How many times have I sat in Starbucks drinking coffee and watching happy couples come and go, on their way to the park, or a movie, oblivious to how happy and how lucky they have it. I looking around at others, wondering what they have. Have they settled? I wonder why I can't find that kind of happiness and contentment. What's wrong with me? I'm smart, successful, pretty, funny, and quirky, and yet...I'm lost. So often I'll be driving home, watching the city speed by, after some triumphant moment and it is just so empty to have no one to share it with. I can't settle for something that doesn't feel like a perfect fit. I want to be in love, and I want to be loved. But obviously not with just anyone. I can have that. What I want is to look across a crowded room, and not see anyone else other than "him". I want to be excited all the time to be with him, or simply talk. And I want to talk for hours and hours, about everything and nothing. I want to share every thought, dream, feeling and experience. I want a phone call in the middle of the night, just because he wants me. I want to trust with my whole heart, and be trusted. I want him to understand my moods and feelings, and respect my privacy and solitude when I need it. I don't want to have everything in common with him. I want us to each bring new things to the other to share. I don't expect us to agree on all things, or believe in the same things, but I do expect to be respected for having my own thoughts and opinions. And I want him to be as passionate about me, as I know I'll be about him.

Once again my blog has been abandoned. Just too much right now, that I have trouble focusing on an issue. Really busy with the sorority lately. I'm going to try to put myself a little more out there this year. There's a lot of girls that I haven't given the chance to really know me. I have to stop going out on Sunday nights, that's another issue. My classes are rough enough as is, that I don't have to show up at them exhausted and hung over. I need a Halloween costume. A good one. I really don't know what to say here so I'm out.

It's good to get really dressed up once in a while and admit the truth - That when you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated, that they're actually beautiful. Possibly even me.

Oh dear, I abandoned my blog for two weeks. That's what it's like up here though, it's not like at work where I had nothing better to do. There's SO much stuff going on right now, that it would be impossible to do that many updates and I just gave up. I should just choose a subject and focus. And, you won't be surprised, the subject right now is guys. I miss Jon a lot. Not on a boyfriend level, just to have him to talk to and to hug... It's strange. I don't think we'll be back together when he gets back, I'm pretty sure. I just miss him. I've gotten 3 e-mail from him since he left, and that's only a few lines on the bottom of the group e-mail that he sends out, that're dedicated to me. He says he's sent me 5 postcards, I haven't gotten any. I haven't gotten any e-mails just for me. And I definately haven't gotten any phone calls. I know he's out there having the time of his life, but it's just that my life has changed so much in the past month that when he comes back he's just not going to fit in. He hasn't asked me about my classes, my apartment, my sanity, anything. It doesn't bother me a whole bunch... But in a way it really does.