Alright I was going to update this thing but the page is white and my pupils are dilated so huge that looking at the computer screen hurts, so much for that idea! I have Smashing Pumpkins Eye in my head, download it and get it in your head so that it will leave mine.

"I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back." -Silverchair, Miss You Love

I just got woken up by a phone call from Jamaica, this is going to be a long day! For all those keeping up with my job stories, my whole background check package has been sent to London for final approval, and then I can start. I leave for Paris on the 10th and will be back on the 17th. So excited :) Linz, I got a 10% discount card for Printemps, woohoo! Haha! I wish Josh could come with me, but on the other hand I guess I'm better off without him. If we can't stand a week apart, how are we going to survive when I'm gone to school, right? Last night, I went out with Linz and met her new guy. He's really nice, cute, and really intelligent. Hope things work out for the best this time! It was a fun night, met a bunch of nice guys, and Linz got herself a new catch phrase "anyhoo" (said with an accent) that I will be hearing about 500 times a day now. Anyhoo... What else is up... I got my prom dress, a bluey-purple color, long straight skirt with a slit and a halter top. And one of those scarves that I never know what to do with. Start using it as a lasso. Haha! Oscars tonight, I'm an awards show junkie. I totally missed St. Patrick's day this year, I didn't realize it until like three days later. To wrap things up, everything is good with me.

It's been two years since the end of Jason's life, hard to believe. We talked every single day for about four years. He used to call me "Girly". Everytime I came online, I knew there would be a "Hey girly" message from Jason, and that's yet another reason why I miss him.

The sun fell down again last night.

Life is a terminal illness.

I've rediscovered my old Oasis CD the past couple of days. Y'know, the one all of you have, Morning Glory, Wonderwall, all of the good stuff. Kind of makes me feel old. I mean, the CD is old and I used to listen to it in grade 8. That's five years ago. I am officially getting old. Not an antique yet, but on my way to the roadshow. Haha! Ohh, that reminds me, Antiques Roadshow is coming to Markham and I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go!!! I'm a bit of a junkie... For those of us reading this that aren't familiar with the AMAZING TV show, it's a show where old people bring antiques to other old people and have them appraised. Half the fun is guessing the prices, the other half is watching the people brink on the state of heart attack when they find out that their antique spoon is worth 100 000$, or even better, a fake. Anyways, I think Josh and I will go together, because people cannot even begin to understand how much I enjoy the show. I don't watch it regularily, but it's one of those junk shows that you turn on in the afternoon where the best choices are that or someone selling hair removal cream on the home shopping channel. How many hair removal products can there be?! Back to my life, I've been helping my grandmother move into town, which is just as exciting as it sounds. Thankfully, Josh has been there to keep me sane. I would be so lonely without him, it makes me smile just to have him in the room. So tired, I'm off to bed! P.S. To all those sitting on the edges of their seats in eager anticipation and wonder, Josh solved my previous furniture woes for me! Yet another reason to love him!

I've been having furniture issues lately. First of all, I went to Ikea with Linz yesterday. She bought one of everything. You know it's bad when we end up lieing in the car with measuring tapes trying to figure out if the boxes will fit or not. And then today I pitched yet another piece of jewelery behind my dresser and decided to move it and rescue everything behind it. Sounds easy, doesn't it?! Nooo, apparently not, it weighs like infinity tons. I have like rocks in it. It will not move an eigth of a millimeter. Not even with a powerhouse like me pulling it. I went to another interview with the RCMP today, it sounds like an amazing job, and they're being really flexible with my hours. My trip to Paris is still on :) They questioned me about anything and everything, and they're just getting some police to research me and then all is well. I'm really excited about it though. I'm just reading an e-mail from John, I love him, he's so beautiful.

"I understand how a woman will think that any man is better than nothing, but I don't get how she could think she has nothing in the first place." -Sports Night

I just woke up after having a three hour nap, who naps for three hours?! I'm spending most of my days downtown now for training and there's something in the air down there that just makes me want to sleep. Is it just me? It's actually kind of interesting, everyone in the training program is so different from me. Two teenage mothers, two immigrants, two girls with issues... And a Jenna! What's my label? Y'know which commercial I can't stand, the one for computers that redoes "Do You Think You're Better Off Alone" and makes it "Do You Really Want A Clone?". How cheesy. "Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle-K". I saw Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure at Robbie's the other day, hehe. Anyways, I have no idea how I'm going to go to sleep tonight short of throwing a brick at my skull. Ciao.

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky."
- Jimi Hendrix

The other night I was cuddling with Josh and I started to cry. He asked me what was wrong, I answered that nothing was wrong. Honestly, nothing was wrong. Then again, maybe that's why I was crying...

My grandmother's "boyfriend"/my "grandfather" passed away this morning.

"But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . Always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath. As the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again."
-Major Sullivan Ballou, to his wife, a week before his death in 1861

Today was the funeral for one of the kids from my old high school, the little brother of one of the guys ended his life. Later in the month, it will be two years since my friend Jason had commited suicide. Ironic, if people could see how many others would miss them, they wouldn't feel so alone. Learn from it. Please visit the link: http://www.angelfire.com/oh4/st31/Jason.html

hanging at the end of the tallest branch on the tallest tree on the tallest hill so they can all see what they have done to me the wind blows i swing back and forth at the end of this tight rope the bark of the tree rubs away as the knot of the rope grinds at it with all my weight the birds wont nest near me nor will the squirrels be seen around my body harvesting their food for any of you that have come to see me dont weep this moment was long overdue my heart and soul finally are at ease swaying in the breeze without a care in the world don't cut me down! don't cut me down! this is where i belong.

"I'm so sad, I can’t shed a tear." Jason

So zonked... Spent the day in Toronto with Josh (well, technically at least, although I spent most of my time in the Y) and got some information on the internship, which isn't sounding too great. There's a two to four week wait for a security check, which means that I wouldn't be able to start for about a month. At the rate that I go shopping, that's not a good thing. I'm falling asleep, I'm out. Linz got me addicted to the Sims!!!

I know that I just posted a couple of minutes ago, but I forgot something. I LOVE THE CHICKEN GUY FROM SURVIVOR MARQUESAS!!!!!!

Ack, it hasn't been that long since I updated, has it?! Oh no, I'm abandoning yet another website! What's been up with me... Well, the past week my boss was sick so I was working full-time at the Bay. Not too much fun, but a lot of money in it for me. Um, I have a job interview on Monday for an Information Management Internship for the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the dudes on horses), which sounds like an excellent opportunity and a great experience. If I do take that though, I'd have to back out of the Richmond Hill job... I haven't decided exactly what to do yet, but I've been told that basically if I don't have a criminal record, the internship is mine. Hmm... I've been spending a lot of time with Josh, he finally got his driver's license so we're celebrating for the week. Screw celebrating one day, drag it out as long as possible! Yesterday we went to his place after I got off work and watched the Jay & Silent Bob DVD that I had bought for him, then headed down to Aurora to chill at Robbie's with the guys. Robbie's little sister (10 years old) has joined a "band" and I had to hear every song that they had written and who was going to sing every part, followed by a description of how ugly her friends are. Tortuous. We stopped in at Tom & Jerry's for wings and ran into Kelly and a bunch of people. Quite a fun night. Today, I'm actually off *gasp*! I slept in and then headed down to Pacific Mall (huge Oriental mall) with my mother, we were the only Caucasians there but I did manage to pick up some great bags. I'm chillaxing until Josh gets off and then I think I might booze it for a change in Aurora and get one of the guys to drive me home. Happy Birthday John!!!!!! *HUG*